I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
