hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
