Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just cropdusted the office
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
