remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
