4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
