I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
