She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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