I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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