Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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