Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
