The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
