Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
