Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
