Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
