if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Drunk is a universal language darling
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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