I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
