no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
