He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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