just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
