Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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