and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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