shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
