I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
