Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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