i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This house was built for laser tag.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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