he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
