i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize