cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
