I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
