I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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