So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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