I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
