i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
