I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
