I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
