Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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