Do you still have your period?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
