Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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