I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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