There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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