Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
