my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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