Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
