I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
