I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
