We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
