how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
