I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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