i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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