k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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