I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
