For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
