I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
His hands were made for my vagina.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
