She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
this hospital has no fireball
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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