you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
