im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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