i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
