I will die if light touches me.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
