I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just gift wrapped bread.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
