with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
