Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize