Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
