so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
