She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
