I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
