I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
