i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
