is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
