3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
