Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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