Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
