you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
