apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
