I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
