It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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